Monday, July 28, 2008

I am ridiculous. My blog is ridiculous.

Today my capt. Jeff told people I have a website. Thank god no one asked what the addres was today. Today I worked with Sarah which I love. we made good money. Kilian was leaving the marina so he offered me a ride to town and I was down. So we get to the rum shack where we are meeting Meg, and of course Josh is there. I give him a kiss on the cheek. 45 mins later my quote un quote "boyfriend" has yet to speak to me. So I start taking the shots these random good looking boys are sending me. I finally get Josh alone and he says that he is leaving and going home blah blah blah which i am ok with . actually i am jealous that he is going home to visit his fam, but thats obviously not it, he keeps ignoring me to talk to some married couple who are taking him to get his luggage somewhere. At this point I have said I am over it, This is soooooooooo stupid .I have never been the kind of woman to stand by and let a man tell her what life is gonna be like. You better believe I am no starting now. I got a little lost because I thought I "loved" JoSh. People fall in love, they fall right back out. Guess what? I am a hard headed pain in the ass that is better off having someone on the side than having someone waiting at home. Thats the way it is, that is the way it always will be. "Crying over won't make it clean." I am telling myself that tonight because it's time to buck up and walk away. It's silly. I am going home. I'ts better to just cut this off now while I am mad then to let it linger. I do care about him but what good it that when he can let me stand in a parking lot an cry all the while he is checking the tire pressure on another car and calling someone to pick him up. I cant be someone who is ignored, (i apologie ahead of time for this) FOR FUCKS SAKE NO ONE HAS EVER IGNORED ME FOR ANY REASON EVER@!!@! I feel like I see so clear now. It's done. I give yall full permission to scold and disown me if I ever speak of Josh again. FUCK I AM ANGRY AT MYSELF. I love all of you and I apologize again for embarrassing my mom and family with this post. Maria back me up on this. Sometimes you just gotta vent. Thank god for Killian and Meg. They drove me home and tole me to forget about him . I am going to try. My family and friends are way more important than having someone in my bed every night. Besides, i like to sprawl out and he was in my way. THERE.