7:58pm.

Tomorrow, I will go back to work. Because I am a sucker. I have talked it over with friends who have been in the same position and they think I am an idiot. But at this point I just need cash. And I can't leave Clement with no crew to run on but a drunk lazy dude when he has a boat of 30 something people. I just don't have the heart. I am holding out for a yacht job. I think thats a good idea for the winter. Work hard and save up a bunch of money. Speaking of being walked on, I got a call from the dockmaster at the marina I wanted to work at. I thought for sure when i answered the phone he was calling because he wanted me to come work for him. Think again. He is calling to tell me that "you probably won't be interested because you are leaving and all but there is a charter boat looking for a chef/deckhand and I just wanted to put the word out. But you probably don't want to do that. Anyway I was wondering, because I have the day off tomorrow, if I could go out on your boat?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? No. No. No. He should have called and said "Hey I only told you about the job at the marina so you would sit next to me at the bar, what I really want with this call is to go for a free ride on your boat." Fock.

Anyway, I put my crew resume back online at my crew agencies and hopefully I will get some info back this week so I can make a decision. Here's what I'm thinking. I get a job on a mega yacht for 8 months, but I keep my apt. here in STT in case I don't like the job or whatever, I can afford to do that and that way I don't have to pack my apt up and whatnot. Also, my fam and friends can stay at my place if they decide to visit STT. Working on a yacht would also cut out some expenses like, happy hour, food, happy hour, need I say more?

I have to say, when I do finally leave my little casa for good, I will be filled with sadness. Sad for the times that will never be again. Sad because the happiness I felt there was only fleeting. Happy for all the same reasons. I wish I could bottle up all the happy and take it along. I suppose I can. If only in my head.

I think I will find the library on my next day off. I really miss the library. I used to check out so many books I couldn't finish them before the due date. I loved that. Now I sit in my room all day and exhaust myself trying to find things to entertain myself online. Today I actually played Sudoku for hours. I wanna read and be entertained by someone else's thoughts instead of my own. Mine can get boring.

I will not get up at 5am anymore. I will not go out of my way to make sure the boat is ready on time just because I want to. I will get to work at the alotted time. 7am. Which means I am not leaving my house any earlier than 6am. I am over the "above and beyond" I'm gonna do something I have never done before. Act like an average employee. One that doesn't give a shit about anything but doing my job and going home, one who doesn't care about anything but themselves. We'll see how that works. I fucking hate it already. I need a job where people appreciate when others go out of their way to make sure life runs smoothly. I am afraid the only way that will happen if I am my own boss. Maybe someday.

My brother called me last night. It was so nice to hear from him, if only for a min. He just wanted to tell me he was coming to visit. I said he better hurry up. I may be gone in a month. I really want him to see the islands.

Can I just say, the easy mac I am having for dinner really brings out the complex flavors of my Bombay Sapphire and grape juice. Stay classy yall.