Friday, November 27, 2009

Be Somebody.

Things always work out for me. They always have. I don't know how or why but it always happens. Just when I think I have finally gotten myself into something I can't get out of on my own, something comes along and makes everything work out. But it's just not happening this time. This is the longest stretch of bad luck I have ever had. I wish I could say it was all my fault and I got myself into this but through no fault of my own I seem to keep failing. That doesn't even make sense. It has to be my fault. I have never been so sad and depressed and lonely and hopeless. I just want to go home. I don't want to live on an island in the middle of nowhere far away from my friends and family anymore. I have had enough of this. I don't want to hear any "It's that time of year" shit from anyone either. It doesn't even feel like the holidays here. It's the middle of summer as far as I am concerned. I have been sweating for years. I wish I could wear jeans without my knees sweating every once in a while. I want to drive for miles and miles and miles, I wanna go faster than 35 miles an hour. I would like to listen to country music on the radio. I would like to walk down the street in the middle of the day without being hissed at and followed and heckled. There are so many reasons that other people give for living here and I have tons myself but I feel like if you get to the point where you have more negatives than positives, it's time to move on. Like Gladys at Glady's Cafe here on island says, "When one is physically tired one must sleep, when one is emotionally tired one must wake up and move on."

I will try. Try. Try. I will try to find a job for the rest of the season. I would like to save some money and go back to the states in the spring. I am brainstorming right now in between naps and playing guitar. Being stuck on the North Side had sent my world into a frenzy. It made working at Limnos hard. It makes getting a new job hard. I have an interview on Monday with the owner of a charter company. My friend Jen told him I would be taking her place for a two week charter in December and he wants to meet me first, which is understandable. I feel like I am setting myself up for another disappointment though. I am losing trust in what people say.

Lilly gets home tonight. We will see how that changes things. She doesn't want to come home to a negative nancy. She doesn't understand that while she has been at home with her friends, OUR friends, and her family having the time of her life, I have been here, alone, struggling for work and struggling with the drama that has been going on here. Forgive me for being depressed. People don't understand what it's like.

I don't know what I would do if I went to the states. Working on boats is all I know how to do. That and bartend. I would love to be involved in the music industry in Texas somehow. Like event planning or managing. Maybe working for a Texas music label. I just need a way to get my foot in the door in that industry. I have my whole body in the door of the boating industry and it's obviously not where I am supposed to be right now. Like I said, time for a change.


  1. I think I know of a short term job on Anguilla, tho nothing to do with sailboats or water. My friend is waiting for a woman to come from the philipphines to care for his elderly mother who has partial dementia. The paperwork got hung up because of an error. It would be a difficult 24/7 job.

    corrinne, seattle (remember me?)

  2. Of course I remember you Miss Corrinne!!! And thank you for the help but I can hardly take care of myself let alone someone else so I don't think that line of work is for me. Thanks so much for looking out for me though! Hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday!

  3. Sis, I worked on a desret Island for 7 years. I had a name for every bush on that rock ! I remember when I was young going some day Im gona live on a desert island!!. Huh Huh. Then I remember going someday I'm gona live on a boat!! Now I'll all some day Im going to go live in a brothel with a brewery out back. Hey ya never know chin up. Lifes about change

  4. Markitos - ha ha about the brothel and the brewery! We tried to give you a beer that night in San Diego, but you were being a good boy :)
    Jolea - it will get better. It always does. Is everyone depressed right now? Is there something in the water? But yeah, maybe it's time for a change in scenery.

  5. Oh btw, I am going cruzin, on a Reagent ship from CA to Panama Canal to Florida(12/20 to 1/5). I'll wave as we passby ;-o)

    Thx for remembering me.

  6. It must be that time of the year. I'm feeling a little down in the dumps myself. But Jolea you are a go getter. And I think you'll find a way out of this. Perhaps you just need to island hop? What happened with getting your Captains license? Do you still want to study for that? Is there a course you can take online?

  7. Umm didn't she say she doesn't want to hear any of that "it's that time of year shit either"?

    I would SO trade places with you. I live in Vancouver ... supposedly work in the film industry but there's no film work.... went to the Caribbean in Feb and all I can think of is going back. Would give my right arm (yes, literally would) to live there.

    So.. the grass is always greener, or so it seems. I have a blog. Read it if you have time... but start at the beginning or it won't make sense. And then maybe you'll feel better about where you are.

    Chin up girl. This too shall pass.